Fuck him

And then this fucking Rahm's
gonna come to me for this,
you know, for help in the 5th CD,
fuck him.

You know what I mean?
All a one way street
with that little asshole,
fuck him.

Nov. 13, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

Two shitty fucking years

I gotta tell ya,
I don't wanna be governor
for the next two years.
I wanna get going.

I'll, I, this has been
two shitty fucking years
where I'm doing the best I can
trying to get through a brick wall
and find ways around stuff
but it's like just screwing my family
and time is passing me by
and I'm stuck, it's no good.

It's no good.
I gotta get moving.

The whole world's passing me by
and I'm stuck in this fucking job
as governor now.

Everybody's passing me by
and I'm stuck.

Nov. 10, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

Nasty fucking shitty fucking press

So here, here's
the immediate challenge.

How do we take
some of the financial pressure
off of our family here?
Okay?

And then I have a personal issue
which is, I feel like
I'm fucking my children.
That's what I feel like.

The whole world's passing me by,
I'm stuck in this fucking gridlock
for two more fucking years, okay,
and nasty fucking shitty fucking press

and everything, you know,
and every asshole out there.

Nov. 10, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

Screw everybody on Wednesday

Never saw myself
as more than
two terms as governor.

I'm not gonna rule out
three terms, um,
I've just never saw myself...

and, you know
election night on ah,
in 96, you know

our mantra was you know
before election night was
win on Tuesday...

I remember,
I don't know
if you guys remember this,

win on Tuesday,
screw everybody on Wednesday,
and quit on Thursday.

Nov. 10, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

I did not lie to the FBI

The government threw everything
but the kitchen sink at me,
and on every charge
but one,
they could not prove that I broke any laws
except one,
a nebulous charge from five years ago.

I did not lie
to the FBI.
I told the truth
from the very beginning.

Aug. 17, 2010, Rod Blagojevich

In remarks

Hey.

I need like, we have anybody
who can write anything over there?

We need to go get us
like a speech writer
or something.

Maybe some young kid
or something from college,
I don't know.

From a good school,
who'd just be a good writer.

You know, and I don't need
formal speeches, but I need
someone who just has a good sense
of what you'd wanna put in,
in remarks.

Nov. 12, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

That's pretty bad, man

I mean,
you know,
I, I want,
and

the other thing is I,
it does give me pause.

She has zero support
among African Americans
and I'm gonna
make her the senator.

That's pretty bad, man.

Dec. 4, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

A fucking President

So then they all leave town
and I'm left with gridlock,

a fucking pissed off speaker,
potential impeachment,

and a fucking president
who's all take and no give.

Nov. 10, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

This fucking job

Look, I don't want,
look it, I gotta tell ya,
I don't wanna be governor
for the next two years.
I wanna get going.

I'll, I, this has been two shitty fucking years
where I'm doing the best I can
trying to get through a brick wall
and find ways around stuff
but it's like just screwing my family
and time is passing me by
and I'm stuck, it's no good.
It's no good. I gotta get moving.

The whole world's passing me by
and I'm stuck in this fucking job
as governor now.
Everybody's passing me by
and I'm stuck.

Nov. 10, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

These fuckin' people

I mean I'll do Valerie Jarrett.

I just don't, if they,
but if they feel like they can
do this and not fuckin'
give me anything under,
just some vague assurances
or somethin'. Then I'll
fuckin' go Jesse Jr.

I mean the arrogance of these fuckin' people.

Nov. 10, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

I gotta catapult

And if there's not a lot out there
just settle in on Louanner.

I mean
what if
I'm facing
an impeachment
next year.

And before the storm clouds really get serious
I can go to Louanner and say,
I gotta catapult,
I gotta parachute out of here.
I need that Senate seat.

You know she's like, she's the one
who probably can make,
you know would do that for me,
you know what I'm sayin'?

Nov. 11, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

Let it bubble

Let it bubble
over the weekend,
let him bubble,
let it bubble
over the weekend.

Okay?

Nov. 7, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

This historic fucking demi-god

Look, we talked about this
yes-, you know, several times,
but, there is nothing I coulda done
about Obama. Nothing. Right?

Other than like you say, keep him
from speaking at the convention
which is not, a-, anything
that ever crossed my mind at all.

It never does.
Huh?

I mean you got this historic, fucking demi-god.
He's a demi-god now.
At least for now.
You follow me?

Nov. 5, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

Like I failed

And I'm in discussions
with emissaries from him
and I'm feeling like, you know,
I'm really in a bad place.

You know
it's interesting
isn't it?

And like I fail-,
I'm a, like I failed.
I feel like I'm, like I failed.

Like I failed.

Nov. 5, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

Destiny

I mean, something's
really fucked up
in my head
Doug.

I mean, I could be
and I could sti-,
end up still maybe
delivering pizzas somewhere.

Maybe that's where my destiny is,
right?

Nov. 5, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

I'm so fuckin' anathema

I'm so fuckin' anathema
to these fuckin' people
over there.

Well
maybe when Jesse looks like he's real,
I ain't so anathema either.

Dec. 4, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

Wrapped around my arms

We got, we got a lot of options here, man.

She's uh, she's pickin' Cabinet positions
and she has it in her power,
well not her power
but she has a tremendous amount of influence
on those, some of those decisions.

You agree with that?

So she's holding Health and Human Services
and I'm holding a U.S. Senate seat. Okay?
She's holding hers with two hands,
just kind'a clinging to, you know,
little pieces of it.

Me, I've got the whole thing
wrapped around my arms,
mine,
okay?

I'm willing to trade the thing I got
tightly held,
to her
for something she doesn't hold quite as tightly.

Nov. 5, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

You Russian motherfuckers

U.N. Ambassador.
I'd take that.

You Russian motherfuckers.
Can you see me?

Nov. 5, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

My own family issues

Yeah, I can’t speak to the wife relationship.

I can’t say that,
I can’t speak to that,
I have my own situation
as you know.
My own family issues.

Okay, and Patti’s important to me, but...

Hey Patti,
if you really wanted
a U.S. senator,
you think I’d really
just do it
cause you wanted it?

Patti?

But see Patti says,
right, Patti says no
I, I wouldn’t.

Maybe Obama’s more henpecked than me.

Nov. 6, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

These national fuckers

You know
they're all fuckin' me,
and all these
national fuckers,
fuck you.

Dec. 4, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

My nephew Alex

I told my nephew Alex,
he just turned 26 today.

I said Alex, you know,
I call him for his birthday
and I says it's just too bad
you're not four years older
'cause I could a given you
a U.S. Senate seat for your birthday.

You know what I mean?

I mean I, I've got this thing
and it's fucking golden.

Nov. 5, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

In that order

What’s best for us.
First and foremost.

On the legal front,
the, you know,
the personal front,
and the political front.
In that order.

Legal front,
personal front,
political front.
In that order.

Nov. 12, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

Spite haiku

I don’t want to spite them
but I almost want to send me there
to fucking spite 'em.

Nov. 12, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

Motherfucking these phony politicians

When the full story's heard,
and my conversations on those telephones—
hundreds of hours that were secretly recorded—
are heard and people hear me
motherfucking these phony politicians
and how sickening they are,
because the people are getting screwed,
it'll correct itself.

Here's a guy who believes in the power of the simple truth,
and he doesn't care who's out to get him.

He's going to fight back, and he believes
that the strength of the truth in America
is still more powerful than all these people—
and that's what my story will be when I'm vindicated.

Don't pass judgment—
just wait to see the result.
You'll see.

Jan. 11, 2010, Esquire

There’s an Indian proverb or something

So, you know,
here's what I know.

Like there's an Indian proverb
or something
that says, you know,
we don't ah, own our environment,
we borrow it from the next generation,
from future generations.

Nov. 11, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

I feel like...

What do you think?

I'm a little reluctant myself
to talk to Wyma.

Between you and me I just feel like...
I just feel like, ah,
I don't know if I can,
I don't know.

I feel like...
I can't completely trust him with Rahm.

I don't know why?
Why do I feel that way?

Nov. 13, 2008, Rod Blagojevich

Your fucking baby

I fucking busted my ass
and pissed people off
and gave your grandmother
a free fucking ride on a bus.

Okay?

I gave your fucking baby
a chance to have health care.
I fought every one of those assholes
including every special interest out there,
who can make my life easier and better,
because they wanna raise taxes on you

and I won't, I,
I fight them
and keep them from doing it.

And what do I get for that?

Only thirteen percent of you all out there think
I'm doing a good job.

So fuck all of you.

Nov. 4, 2008, Rod Blagojevich